This is a hard topic for me to talk about as I went through quite a bit and a traumatic experience with school,college and some work places. My first secondary school I got bullied by only one girl luckily I had friends who was there for me and supported me everyday, one day the bully chased me around the whole school outside I tripped over a few times. I then got corned and was instantly trapped there was so many kids screaming at the bully and telling her to hurt me and go for me, the next minute was a blurry……turns out she pushed me into a brick wall and cracked my head up. I then left that school left my friends behind and moved miles and miles away with my mum and dad leaving my brother and sister behind.

My second secondary school got harder, when I say harder I mean extremely horrible and completely made me depressed, anxious didn’t wanna go. I have never really told everyone the full story and the stuff that I went through, I had one true friend the rest started bullying me as well. Like normal being the new girl it’s hard enough trying to fit in and make friends but at the same time it makes you an easy target for the bully’s are people who wanna try and get in with the popular kids.

I had gum spat in my hair, hair pulled,slapped,pushed,nicknames, and a few other things to I literally had no where that I fitted in which was horrible cause all I wanted was friends and felt like I belong. I even ended up going to prom on my own, some of the guys who bullied me even joked and asked if I wanted a dance which I was having know off. When people ask me if I could go back to school would I….no way neve not even for a school reunion there is to many horrible memories there that I don’t wanna re live.

Might sound silly but when one direction brought out there first album I was so happy, there music really helped me when I was felling depressed or anxious. They still do now if I ever fell like that I just put my headphones in and listen to them for a while, or watch some of there old videos on YouTube

So iv worked since the age of 17 and literally have been in different workplaces, iv either felt out of place or just wasn’t happy in what I was doing iv even been really badly bullied by staff or management.I don’t think that I have found a workplace yet where I fell happy or like I am at home, iv literally worked in 7 different places and gone back to college a few times to learn something different. As you guys know I am  at the moment back to college learning counselling which I’m hoping is going to be perfect for me, people always ask what’s your dream job or the one thing that you have always wanted to do. Literally I have no answer as iv never had an idea of what I what to do as a job, this is why iv tried so many different career choices and gone down so many different paths. I’m hoping that one day I will find it and finally be happy in what I am doing as I am literally clueless in where I belong and meant to Ben doing.

For many years I have tried to lose weight, sometimes iv done it on my own and made my own recipes and other time I followed diet recipe books. Unfortunately they either wouldn’t work or wouldn’t last long, and lately iv been getting really down about my weight and instead of doing anything about it iv just been eating more. This year my beautiful loverly big sister is finally getting married so iv made my mind by getting some help, I had a meeting with a consultant to put me on a diet of shakes, soups and bars. I’m not aloud rice, pasta or dairy products yet as we are going to slowly introduce them in again and get me getting used to measuring out ingredients properly and have smaller portions then what I’m used to. This is even not having little mans left overs which is what I was doing, fingers crossed with this diet plan set out for me and exercise I will be happy and where I want to be so watch this space

I would write something about fashion but the thing is I don’t really have a sense in fashion, and I’m not afraid to admit that I literally have no sense in fashion. Iv changed it so much to cause there is nothing that I feel comfortable in nowadays, I used to dress like a tomboy then like a girl to a chav and I’m now slowly getting used to wearing skirts and dresses. I’m slowly dressing like a lovely fashionable mummy, iv always been scared when it comes to trying new things but iv made my mind up to start. So I’ve had a huge clear out in my wardrobe and got rid of all my chav clothes and putting more mummy clothes in there and more skirts and dresses. Will slowly start putting pictures on my instagram when I have more confidence and comfortable in what I’m wearing x

Like everyone music is a big part of me, it’s been there when I’ve had a down day to having a happy day. I don’t have a certain style I like though if I like the song I’m gonna listen to it I love rock to pop, he is a list of people who I listen to……..

• one direction
• 5 seconds of summer
• little mix
• ariana grande
• queen
• olly murs
• anne Marie
• Ed Sheeran
• the midnight beast
• Sam smith
• busted
• mcfly
• eminem
• The 1975
• coldplay
• george Ezra

so I’ve decided to go back to college…..for a while iv been looking at doing courses on counselling, it’s not easy to go to college when you have a job let alone children. But a course for counselling come up that I can do at home and I can work it around work and my little one, so i have taken it on. It’s a 12 week course but if I pass this I might think about going to college properly and doing the other courses based on counselling. Its always been a thing iv wanted to do as I emphasise what people are going through which helps, and making it easier for people to talk to about problems. Iv always been a people person once I get to know someone, and always wanted to help people out.

 

1. Music I can’t live without it
2. phone
3. food I’m a fussy eater tho
4. games (fortnite)
5. coffee
6. one direction
7. 5 seconds of summer
8. chocolate ( there is some I hate and can’t stand)
9. family
10. friends
11. my dog
12. youtube
13. Netflix
14. my car
15. Camera

1. I was born in Berkshire and moved to Essex when I was 12
2. Had my head cracked open by a lovely school bully
3. Had my appendix removed at 14
4. I have two older siblings
5. I went to two different secondary schools
6. I got married at 22 years old
7. I used to be a fan of jedward
8. My celebrity crush is Niall horan and olly Murs
9. i have a big fear of clowns
10. i can’t live without chocolate, but im fussy when it comes to chocolate
11. i have to wear glasses all the time
12. I have a fear of needles
13. i once served harry judd (Mcfly drummer)
14. i hate being home alone at night time
15. when I meet someone I know straight away if I like them or not
16. Spend much of my time watching twitch and YouTube
17. i suffer with anxiety and depression
18. i can sing

Everyone say every year, new fresh start in life, new changes? But a few people stick to it, just like new year resolution I mean what’s the point in them. They last for a maximum of two month, like my New Years resolutions I have chose to make my blog public after making it in 2015 and actually using it. Change my whole wardrobe and my style of fashion, as it’s not the best. But also to start doing yoga, a nice easy fitness that I can do around the little one.

I hope that I will still be doing these things at the end of the year, people push themselves to hard when it comes to making resolutions. Go easy on yourself and start from the basics, don’t throw yourself in the deep end and make it hard on yourself.

Example say sorry to them people you bullied years ago and make friends and new friends, at work or college. Do what you have always dreamed of doing. Do that one thing you wished you did all them years ago, life is to short. We should be enjoying each day like it’s are last.

I learned so much last year, I lost a few friends after I got married, and then had my little one. But that how you learn who your true friends are cause no matter what they will still be beside you, that life friends come and go.

So hello 2019 and throw at my whatever you got for me cause I will be stronger and I will fight back……